Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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