dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
