She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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