Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
