my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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