oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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