so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
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