Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
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I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
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I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
My butt remains clenched, sir.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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