I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
