What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
