Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
