You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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