im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
