What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
