just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
