If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
