Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
