Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
