More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
