i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
