It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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