Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
