be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
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I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
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Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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