I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
