I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
