Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
