You don't have asthma, your pregnant
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
