this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
