I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
