I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
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