i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just pee around me
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
