You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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