I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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