i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
