At least make sure they are 18
Why
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
