Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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