HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
