giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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