oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
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I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
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Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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