If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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