So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
