he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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