filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
