so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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