But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
The Olympian is in my bed
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