Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
