my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
