I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just blew my weed a kiss
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
