i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
