My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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