is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
