Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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