U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
pop tarts are not kleenex
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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