Porn is love you can see.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Drake has all the answers
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
how drunk are you?
Several
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Randomize
