Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
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Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
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Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
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