sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
i've created a new STD.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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