I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
