You made me cry and you don't even care
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
