so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
