How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
