just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
