I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
