At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
