I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
