Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
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