Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
