K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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