Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
oh god was she eating orange peels again
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
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