Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So vagazzling was a success
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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